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Up to one third of women may experience pain during sex, but most never seek the treatment they need.

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But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapistto help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions remain anonymous. How can I get started?

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The buxom, tattooed, alternative sex activist finds pain play very seductive but, "I still ask for Novocain at the dentist's office.

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They like to explore the fine line between pain and pleasure to escape from reality, test their endurance, experience a spiritual high or simply to act out fantasies and fears. The pain can be real, but the goal isn't injury or broken bones. On the other, it's about bringing fantasies into reality by playing power games for fun," she said.

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One person plays powerless, the "bottom," and the other person plays all-powerful, the "top. Prostitution ranks as one of the oldest professions, but being naughty in bed is not far behind as one of the oldest activities.

A beginner’s guide to impact play

World War II brought to the surface a gay scene that many credit for pushing the limits of sexual play. In the late s, flower children demanded sexual freedom and sexual mores loosened. The challenge of enduring the scenes pumps her up.

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Pain, for most people, acts as a warning al, like when you jerk your hand away from a hot surface. Patricia Payne, author of "Sex Tips from a Dominatrix," likens it to a runner's high.

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Most places forbid full sexual contact and every club has dungeon masters -- lifeguards of sorts in case of a mishap. Blindfolds fit just fine in a night table but not wooden Catherine wheels, a vertical Wheel of Fortune-type contraption with radial spokes onto which you attach your partner.

Why is sex painful for some women – and what can they do?

Toys of all sizes are aplenty, including suede flogs, leopardskin handcuffs, paddles and whips which take some mastering, according to experts. Morgan Lewis -- also known as "Her Majesty the Queen" -- likes to play sex games with submissive men, but she stresses the importance of getting to know each other.

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Lewis, a curvaceous dominatrix, believes limits can be tested, but that it's her job not to take the game too far in her personal relationships. Most couples choose a "safe word," that als to the "top" to stop a scene immediately. A word like "no" or "stop" may actually intensify a scene because it's part of the submissive fantasy, so instead a color code is often established.

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Not so, said Baumeister. Overall, he said, more men follow through with their fantasies than women.

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New York-based sex therapist and psychologist Dagmar O'Connor believes people who follow through with pain play are repeating early sexual imprints. Easton thinks you can't even guess correctly who's a masochist or a sadist when people get together in street clothes because personalities rarely match the stereotypes. LOG IN. We'll notify you here with news about.

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