Sensate Focus aims to help clients heighten awareness of sensory perceptions and to encourage sensuality instead of goal-oriented, penetrative sex. Couples tend to have a hyper-awareness of attempting to achieve orgasm for both partners and lose track of the larger potential experience.
2. 20 questions, sex edition
The problem with Sensate Focus is that I have rarely found it to be effective. The technique asks couples to commit to hour long sessions multiple times a week for a course of multiple weeks or even months.
For my clients who are already feeling bogged down in busyness and finding it difficult to prioritize sex and intimacy, Sensate Focus often becomes one more item on a to-do list of guilty shoulds ie. I should work out, I should eat better.
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Nothing kills libido like making intimacy a chore! I have had much more success with clients by trying the 3 Minute Game, a more recently developed derivative of Sensate Focus.
The 3 Minute Game asks for a manageable commitment: 4 rounds of 3 minutes each for a grand total of 12 minutes, which can easily be added to a bedtime ritual or before turning on the T. My relational clients tend to find this process much less daunting, so they actually do their homework and find great benefit in taking time to connect. The basic gist is this: you touch your partner how they want to be touched for 3 minutes head scratching, skin stroking, light massage, still pressure etc. Then you switch and do both rounds with YOU as the partner making requests.
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Touch is non-genital and non-sexual, but can certainly be sensual. Throughout this process, whether you are the giver or the receiver, you may communicate what you want more of or less of, or how you would like your experience of touch to shift. The 3 Minute Game helps couples learn how to communicate not only their boundaries but also their desires in a non-threatening, non-sexual context.
Participants have the opportunity to drop into mindfulness with themselves and each other. Humans have a high level of tactile receptors in the shoulders and back which respond to gentle stroking touch with neurotransmitter release, so these may be areas that you request your partner focus on.
However, this exercise is NOT couples massage. The goal is to connect and communicate with your partner through mindful and intentional touch.
Communication, both verbal and nonverbal, is constantly occurring throughout the process. The 3 Minute Game for Intimacy. Posts Indigo Stray Conger October 15, Facebook 0 Twitter Tumblr Pinterest 0 0 Likes.
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